I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you never un-have a 4some
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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