This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
