if you like me you must not know who I am
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
