As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
