Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
