Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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