Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
