I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
