then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I booty called her while she was in labor.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
