If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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