I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
