I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
