I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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