Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
