How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
