I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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