He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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