Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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