So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it was like eating out sand paper
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
