just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
