I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
grandma shit on top of the toilet
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
