thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
