If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
