shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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