Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
