i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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