If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
