my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
