worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
