And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
