I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
