Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
