ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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