btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
