i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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