things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
