But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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