i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
