I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
