Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
