All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
