What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
