I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
