remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
