No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
