Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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