I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
