Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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