her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
