Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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