I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
